Gary Burbank: Radio comedy and my Memories

This biography on Gary Burbank was released a few weeks ago...written by Greg Hoard, a local sportscaster, it's called Voices In My Head. For the curious, the reason the book has this title it's because Burbank's a skilled satirist and has a gift of mimicry. The characters that populated his radio programs grew into popular figures...a lot of times the characters were so convincing that some listeners assumed they were real at first.

When you read the book, or skim the many pages and look at the pictures, you'll learn the life and times of a popular Midwest DJ turned radio personality. Born Billy Purser, his first on-air name was Bill Williams. Afterward he began calling himself Johnny Apollo...who spoke with a decidedly edgy/groovy style. After creating a following as Johnny Apollo he became Gary Burbank in the late '60s. This name was inspired by radio DJ Gary Owens and the TV show Owens acted as the announcer for, Laugh-In, whose one of many catch-phrases was "beautiful, downtown Burbank". So, Gary and Burbank were combined. Ironically, though, Burbank's natural voice is similar to that of Gary Owens.

A lot of what you read here is my own thoughts from hearing Gary Burbank on the radio throughout the 1990's and into the 2000's. I still encourage those who know of the man to buy this book.

Burbank's legend was cemented at WLW radio in Cincinnati for 26 years, 1981-2007. His career, though, took off on WAKY radio in Louisville, KY and his popularity continued to soar during his stays at CKLW in Detroit-Windsor and WHAS in Louisville, KY. Along the way he did radio work at WNOE, KLPL, plus KUZN, WWUN, and WMPS. It was during Burbank's stay at WHAS that he enjoyed having a single hit the Hot 100. The song was "Who Shot J.R?" all about the Dallas cliff-hanger that fixated TV audiences throughout the summer of 1980.

Burbank won several awards for his radio work...including two Marconi Awards which some consider the Emmy or the Grammy of the radio industry. The list of characters that Gary brought to life all had a distinct personality and almost always there was an unusual or quirky character trait that made the characters durable. According to the book, the earliest character named 'Reverend Deuteronomy Skaggs' came about after an ordeal Gary went through with a studio packed with a religious group. The Reverend remained a core character for the rest of Burbank's years on radio. Then there were the bizarre characters of 'Eunice and Bernice' who were described by Burbank as Siamese twins joined at the telephone. This routine was recorded in advance and played back on the air as Burbank pretended to being taking a phone call...he would react to the taped out-bursts of the sisters who said just about anything.

A lot of the insane characters that Burbank voiced were recorded over a telephone in rehearsal and played back on-air under the disguise of a phone conversation with Burbank setting up the punchlines that the "caller" would inevitably deliver. This routine of Burbank "answering" the phone and hearing outrageous commentary on the other end would reach an all-time high in my opinion when the 'Synonymous Bengal' character came along. For this sketch, Burbank spoke in broken English and used sound-a-like words to replace other words in an effort to point out how stupid the character was. The absurdity of the caller referring to himself as the 'Synonymous Bengal' when he meant 'Anonymous Bengal' is what made it funnier because this character would call up and mangle the English language and pass along gossip but he wished to remain "synonymous". It was a skit that was way out there...of course it was rooted in local comedy and the Cincinnati Bengals.

In addition to Reverend Skaggs, Eunice and Bernice, and the Synonymous Bengal you'd also hear at various times Ranger Bob, Gilbert Gnarley, Lars Peevey, Big Fat, Howlin' Blind, Dan Buckles, Ed Harley...Burbank also spoofed local politicians and he'd spoof national politicians and celebrities if they happened to perk the curiosities of the local audience. Among the impressions Burbank was noted for were Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Bill Clinton, Paul Harvey, Jerry Springer, Dwight Tillery, and Tony Perez. Fake commercials was another treat. At one point in the series Weasel became a favorite subject to poke fun at. In the commercials it was referred to as "the other yellow meat" in a spoof of Pork. Jerry Springer's talk-show was spoofed a lot when it was a local program.

One character came along in the mid 1980's that remained a daily feature on his radio show...Earl Pitts. In the book you will learn why Earl's commentaries always start off with his familiar catch-phrase. Earl's commentary is usually 5 minutes long...sometimes they're 6 minutes. They typically aired at 3:23 or 3:25pm Monday-Friday on WLW and it would repeat at 5:23 or so.

When I became aware of Burbank his show was on from 2-6pm on WLW. During school I wasn't able to catch the first hour of his show but I'd listen almost religiously from 3pm onward. I was introduced to Burbank's radio program, and WLW radio, via my grandfather in 1991. He listened to talk-radio and WLW was and is a popular station and he started listening to it and I heard the station for the first time in 1991. So...getting back to Burbank's time-slot...when the summer came around and I was able to hear the first hour I realized that the show was broken into two segments: the first run and the re-run.

What I mean by that is how the skit's and routines would play out. Gary and his on-air partner, Kevin "Doc" Wolfe, were once on in the mornings at WLW. They were later put on in the mid-afternoon slot, 2-6pm, which is when I discovered them. The comedy bits that would pop up on the show within the 2:30-4pm time frame would be re-ran during the 4:30-6pm time frame. The reason? I suppose it was because a lot of people were still at work during the 2-4pm hours or they didn't get out of work until 4:30 or 5 and so the comedy bits that aired between 2:30 and 4 would get replayed for the people leaving work at the later time.

Sometimes the two were aided by Leah Burns who was called "Princess Leah" on the air. She played the legitimate female voices. Sometimes Burbank or Doc would play a female character with a stereotypical falsetto voice. Doc, by the way, was the voice of Barbara Bush whenever needed. Burbank was the voice of local news anchor Carol Williams from time to time. Leah was the voice of Hillary Clinton, Pearl Pitts, Sister Lamaze and the character of Portia Lynn Commode...a co-anchor with Dan Buckles. Portia was a spoof of Diane Sawyer and the character's name, Portia Lynn Commode is an obvious pun on porcelain commode. Doc portrayed a third co-anchor, Donald Samuelson, spoofing Sam Donaldson. Dan Buckles, of course, was a spoof of David Brinkley but with a hilarious twist: Buckles was a cross-dresser easily slipping from news reporting to commenting on his latest lingerie. As an added chuckle, Buckles depended so much on reading his scripts word for word that if a word was half-written he'd stop talking, you'd hear sound effects of ruffling paper, and he'd continue on with the second part of the word.

If a Monday-Friday show wasn't enough, fans could hear all of the weeks comedy bits played out on Saturday mornings from 8am until 12pm. This four hour program was called "The Burbank Saturday Morning Cartoons" where Leah Burns from 8-10am and Janine Coil from 10am-12pm would play music and air a week's worth of Burbank comedy bits throughout the morning. This style of program would later exit the airwaves when WLW stopped playing music on the weekends and went to all-talk all the time. A similar review of his comedy bits would later surface under the guise of "Burbank's Weekly Rear View". A BBC acronym was applied to Burbank's show during it's run on WLW. In this case BBC stood for 'The Broadbank Burbcasting Corporation'. As the 1990's wore on Leah Burns departed the show. Doc left the show in 1999 after an 18 year on-air partnership with Burbank, 1981-1999. Doc's on-air role on the show was taken over by 'Duke Sinatra' and the show coasted to it's eventual end in December 2007. By the time the show ended Burbank had been performing from a studio in Florida while the rest of his cast were in the WLW studios in Ohio. Amazingly, though, the show came off sounding as if everyone was all together in one studio.

Some of the recurring skits/comedy bits from the show could carry a local or national flavor. Among the many were...

Bush-Man and Quayle: self-explanatory; this was a political spoof of Batman and Robin featuring George Bush and Dan Quayle in the title roles.

First Family Ties: This was a spoof of domestic comedies featuring parodies of Bill, Hillary, and Chelsey Clinton.

Blues Break: This sketch aired on Friday and it featured Burbank as Howlin' Blind Muddy Slim. It was a respectable routine where Howlin' Blind would play blues songs...usually pieces of them. It was one of the only routines where it came off genuine and not a satire or a parody. This most likely is because in real life Burbank loves that kind of music.

The Boys In the Huddle: This was a lesser-known sketch spoofing the Cincinnati Bengals. There would be a 5 minute episode that aired on a Friday prior to the Sunday game. The episode would repeat during the Bengals pre-game radio show. There would then be a follow-up episode on Monday commenting on the loss or the win.

All My Bengals: This was the better-known sketch spoofing the Bengals. It would air on Friday's and Monday's during football season. One of the trademarks of the sketch was Burbank's long drawn-out delivery of the word "well". He'd sometimes stretch the word out to last at least 10 seconds... "wellllllllllllllllllll....".

ABCD News: In this sketch, news reporters Ed Harley, Fern Groto, and Bob Fishgill would deliver and comment on the news in an amateurish way. Burbank, Leah, and Doc participated in the sketch. In a separate routine Burbank and company could be heard as Dan Buckles, Portia Lynn Commode, and Donald Samuelson.

Vinyl Siding Theatre: Hosted by Big Fat, this sketch spoofed Saturday and Sunday matinee movie shows where a movie would air and during commercial breaks you'd see people trying to sell useless products before saying something like "...and now back to this weeks featured movie...". In Burbank's sketch, Big Fat is the brash host of a show that's so cheap he has to pretend he's the entire cast. The joke is that he has to talk to himself in different voices in order to create a conversation. His catch-phrase was "smooch, smooch".

Dwight Guy and Dave Man: This routine ran while Dwight Tillery was the mayor of Cincinnati, 1991-1993. Dwight's predecessor, Dave Mann, had the perfect super hero name.

The Reds and the Restless: Featuring authentic soap opera style theme music, this routine spoofed the Cincinnati Reds during baseball season. It wasn't a daily sketch but it would air periodically during the spring, summer, and fall. The restless in the title referred to the restless fans who wanted a winning team.

The Young Joe Nuxhall Chronicles: Doc took center stage on this routine. Doc spoofed Joe Nuxhall while Burbank was often heard as Reds TV commentator, Gordy 'Hey Buddy' Coleman.

Again, a lot of what you read are my own thoughts about Burbank's radio program with a mix of commentary about the book that's available. The likes of Burbank will perhaps never exist again and this book will let you in on all the behind the scenes goings-on, all the up's and downs of someone who rose through the ranks of radio from small market to large market during a 40 plus year career.

Shortest Presidential Terms

Down through the decades and centuries there have been a number of United States Presidents who have short terms in office. I'm not meaning one term Presidents, either. I'm meaning Presidents that served less than 4 years. There's not that many and so here's the run-down...

1. William Henry Harrison; 1841 {died in office}

2. Zachary Taylor; 1849-1850 {died in office}

3. Millard Fillmore; 1850-1853 {took over Presidency after Taylor's death.}

4. James Garfield; 1881 {assassinated}

5. Warren G. Harding; 1921-1923 {died in office}

6. John F. Kennedy; 1961-1963 {assassinated in an infamous motorcade in Texas; Lyndon Johnson took over and was elected officially in 1964 but due to the civil rights and other social controversies of the late 1960's he didn't seek the re-election in 1968. He gave a famous speech about not seeking re-election and he wouldn't accept the nomination by the Democrats should they go ahead and nominate him in the 1968 election.}

7. Gerald Ford; 1974-1977 {took over when Nixon resigned; Ford ran for official election in 1976 but lost to Jimmy Carter; Ford had appointed Vice President when Spiro Agnew resigned in 1973; Ford was then appointed the Presidency when Nixon resigned in 1974; This allowed Ford to have the unusual feat of serving in both the Vice Presidency and the Presidency without being elected by the people and this was used against him by the Democrats in 1976 by suggesting Ford wasn't a "real President" since he wasn't elected.}

Guiding Light: 1937-2009...Part Eight

A couple of days ago, September 18 to be specific, fans of the long-running daytime drama Guiding Light watched the final episode. The end of the show, which ran 72 years as noted in the blogs title, has left a void in the lives of millions. I for one thought that the show could possibly go on forever and the reason why I say that is because the show was on for 72 years...so I assumed that it would just coast along and hit 75, then 80...etc.

The soap as you can tell has obtained several milestones in longevity. As far as soap operas are concerned...American soap operas...Guiding Light is hands down the longest running daily entertainment program. It's origins go back to 1937 where it debuted on radio. It moved to TV in 1952 and ran on both TV and radio until 1956...and then TV exclusively from that point forward. It's television run, 1952-2009, gives it a 57 year life-span. The only other soap to come close to matching or beating that longevity is As The World Turns, which debuted on TV in 1956 and it received a contract extension through 2010 which will bring that soap to 54 years guaranteed. So, that soap may in fact tie or beat Guiding Light but that's looking too far ahead...and that brings me to this...

The daytime drama climate as far as ratings go isn't exactly what it used to be and the highest rated show among the daytime dramas is pulling in an average of 1.5 to 2 million viewers where as in the mid 1990's and earlier the top rated soap was grabbing close to 3.5 million. In the 1960's and 1970's the top rated soap was grabbing over 5 million and close to 10 million viewers easily.

A lot of the morning news programs did their farewell segments on the soap and you can find those farewells on You Tube. One of the things that I wasn't too happy about was learning that the Soap Opera world, during their annual awards show, did a tribute of sorts that was terribly short. That salute to the longest running drama in broadcast history is also on You Tube. I would've expected that kind of rushed recognition from a national news outlet or something but not at a show promoting daytime television. On September 16, two days before the last episode, one of my favorite characters from the show died. Alan Spaulding died unexpectedly...while sitting on a park bench.

The character had been a part of the show since 1977 and had just two breaks: 1984-1986 and 1989-1994. The character was presumed dead from the latter half of 1984 through early 1986 when news started to surface that Alan could still be alive. The character was sent to prison in 1989...for shooting Roger Thorpe...at Phillip and Blake's wedding. Roger survived the shot...Phillip had been shot as well...and he, too, survived. Alan on the other hand was convicted of attempted murder in 1989 and remained off the show until 1994. The character returned in 1994 and remained an integral part of the show for the next 15 years.

Chris Bernau portrayed the Alan Spaulding character originally. He remains the definitive Alan Spaulding for a lot of people even though Ron Raines, the last actor to portray the character, played the role the longest. In between these two stints, Daniel Pilon played the character.

Chris Bernau: 1977-1984; 1986-1988
Daniel Pilon: 1988-1989
Ron Raines: 1994-2009

Here's a very brief look at the Josh and Reva factor during 1983-1990...

The final scene of the last episode involved the shows super-couple, Josh and Reva. The two characters had a wild on-again/off-again relationship that led to many attempts of marriage and several marriages and divorces. Their story was always portrayed as a kind of tragic melodrama where the man and woman are always this close to being happy and something comes along to drive them apart. The couple, in the final scene, drove down the road together with a lighthouse in the background and the words "The End" came up on the screen. I was a bit surprised that there was no cast farewell...usually you'd expect some sort of "thanks" or "thank you for tuning in all these years" on a final episode and see the cast hug and cry but there wasn't anything like that.

Josh and Reva were played by the same people from start to finish. Robert Newman originated the role of Josh Lewis in 1981 and was a completely different character from what most viewers would recognize. The character of Reva came along in 1983, played by Kim Zimmer, and originally the viewers only knew that she was Billy's ex-wife who Alan Spaulding paid to come to town in an attempt to break up Billy's relationship with Vanessa Chamberlain. Billy was Josh's brother...and Billy was prone to calling Josh "little brother". The viewers then learn that Reva and Josh were childhood lovers...that the two dated as teenagers and it was Josh's choice of putting college above Reva that drove her into his brother's arms. So now the back-story of Josh and Reva was playing out amidst Billy's war against both Reva and Alan. Josh left town when he learned the real reason Reva arrived...and afterward Reva found herself the object of H.B's affections. This is important because H.B was the father of Billy and Josh...when Josh returned and learned that Reva had married his father he drove off wildly and slammed into a tree and was paralyzed. Reva later became pregnant with H.B.'s child but she miscarried. H.B and Reva divorced...but just as Josh and Reva were growing closer again she started having feelings for Kyle Sampson who at the time was believed to be H.B.'s son with another woman and therefore Josh and Billy's half-brother.

During Josh's hiatus in Venezuela the Reva and Kyle relationship was underway. Kyle then learned that H.B. was not his father but he was still a brother to Billy. How? Well, Kyle and Billy shared the same mother: Sally Gleason. Josh and Trish's mother was Martha. Kyle and Reva grew apart.

Josh returned but then left again...but then returned...all in the span of several months. When he returned he brought with him a man named Will Jeffries...and what nobody knew was that when Josh was in Venezuela he had married a woman named Sonni Carrera who died after falling off of a suspension bridge. He kept this a secret...even from Reva...until Sonni turned up alive and he had to reveal the truth and play her husband even though he wanted to be with Reva.

The plot that unfolded started when Will tampered with the birth results of Reva's baby. Will made it appear that the father of Reva's baby was Kyle Sampson instead of Josh. In addition to that sub-plot, the main plot centered around Will and Sonni's plan to kill Josh and steal the Lewis fortune. Those story lines took up all of late 1987 through early 1989. Josh found himself pushed off of a bridge...Reva found herself in a coma, too. While Reva was semi-conscious Alan married her...she thought that she was marrying Josh. The marriage was annulled after Reva regained her right state of mind. Josh then learns that he's the father of Marah, the baby that most thought belonged to Kyle. It's revealed that Alan had paid Will to tamper with the birth certificate.

After the mayhem with Sonni, Will, and Alan climaxed in early 1989 Reva and Billy grew closer when it was revealed that years ago Reva gave up a baby she had with Billy for adoption and she became obsessed with locating her son. The son turned out to be a newcomer to town named Dylan. Josh and Reva grew closer once again and she became pregnant and later gave birth to Shayne. Josh was the father.

Josh and Reva finally marry...and it wasn't long afterward that Reva's grasp on reality started to suffer and in a memorable scene in 1990 she drove her car off an unfinished bridge in Florida with Josh watching in horror. She was presumed dead for the next five years.



What was to become known as Reva's missing years, 1990-1995, were spotlighted throughout mid to late 1999. It was revealed that Reva survived her car crash into the ocean but suffered from amnesia and took on the name of Katherine and was married to a prince...Richard Winslow...on the island of San Cristobel. Katherine's disappearance sent Richard into alcoholism...but it would be revealed that Katherine's disappearance was as a result of Edmund's treachery. Edmund was Richard's evil brother. On the sideline was Olivia, Richard's soon to be wife, who was annoyed by the re-appearance of Katherine. As the plot thickened and Reva's missing years were explored and explained, Josh and Reva grew apart...divorcing not long after Reva learned that she and Richard shared a son, Jonathan. Josh and Olivia were married...but later divorced when her affair with Alan Spaulding was revealed. Olivia and Alan then married...but she began having an affair with his son, Phillip, which led to a divorce. All of the drama between Josh, Reva, Olivia, and Alan played out during 1999-2002. Edmund rivaled Alan in the bad-guy department...but strangely enough Edmund, to me at least, didn't seem likable or sympathetic compared to Alan. Olivia would go on and become half of the couple known on-line as Otalia. Olivia and Natalia became an item...two females...and the couple was nicknamed Otalia. This couple became the main focal point during the show's final months on the air. So, for those who caught the show very late in it's run, Olivia had a 9 and a half year history on the show prior to her pairing up with Natalia.

Thanks to You Tube videos the memories of the show will, I think, live on forever on-line. In my collection I have a couple of books about GL...one is the 50th Anniversary book published in 1987 and the other is the 60th Anniversary book published ten years later. I have some other items as well.

Guiding Light: 1937-2009